Alert and Oriented (x4)

So today I packed my bag.  I am lingering in a twilight of horrible waiting.  My anxiety level is pretty high.  As of Friday, insurance denied approval for a bone marrow transplant.  Apparently I'm not sick enough.  At least not yet.  Without a transplant, my doctor tells me I  probably won't live to see my youngest grandchild start kindergarten.  With it, I could die anyway.  Or have multiple organ failure.  Or develop a terrible thing called GVD, which stands for Graft vs. Host disease.  I'm the Host.  The Graft is what is supposed to keep me alive. This is big scary stuff.  I won't quote statistics.  They aren't pleasant.  And they don't really matter, unless you are a statistic.  So I am concentrating on thinking that THIS will heal me.  THIS will be a long haul, but it will be worth it.  THIS is what I am supposed to do. I am surrounded by a huge tribe of people who provide me with support....

This fall has been a wild ride.  And I think we're still on the up-chugga-chugga-chugga of the rollercoaster ride.  We've had a couple of dips, but something tells me we're in for a big huge loop-de-loop. So far this season: We have another kid living with us.  S. is 17 and one of my middle son's best friends.  Along with the challenges of feeding 4 teenagers (and all the extra friends that seem to go along with that) we're adjusting to the different rhythm that another person adds to our family symphony.  Ted has found out that he is being furloughed after 27 years with US Airways.  We got this news the same week that we agreed to allow S. to move in with us.  Not that I think that would've changed anything.  There is a position waiting for him in Denver.  He is making plans to move there and commute home on weekends.  We aren't sure what that will look like.  I am struggling with the situation, and am waiting on God.  ...

The other day I was watching someone who I consider to be much smarter than me struggle...helplessly...with a computer issue.  It was really a fairly simple one.  This person was using Excel to make a graph.  Or trying to, anyway.  I am self-taught at Excel.  And pretty darn good at it if I say so myself.  And was feeling superior. And then it occurred to me.  I was comparing this "smarter" person's skill set with my own.  Excel? Pshaw!  I got it down.  Linux?  HUH?  Never in a million years.  And I'm currently (trying to) learn Photoshop.  It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks.  But give this Excel-challenged person an engine or a carbuerator to dissasemble and repair...he's your guy. A friend posted a quote from Albert Einstein on their Facebook profile. It said something like everyone is a genius.  But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will fail dismally.  And if tha...

Father in heaven, you are the absolute Sovereign over the shaking of the earth, the rising of the sea, and the raging of the waves. We tremble at your power and bow before your unsearchable judgments and inscrutable ways. We cover our faces and kiss your omnipotent hand. We fall helpless to the floor in prayer and feel how fragile the very ground is beneath our knees. O God, we humble ourselves under your holy majesty and repent. In a moment—in the twinkling of an eye—we too could be swept away. We are not more deserving of firm ground than our fellowmen in Japan. We too are flesh. We have bodies and homes and cars and family and precious places. We know that if we were treated according to our sins, who could stand? All of it would be gone in a moment. So in this dark hour we turn against our sins, not against you. And we cry for mercy for Japan. Mercy, Father. Not for what they or we deserve. But mercy. Have you not encouraged us in this? Have we not heard a hundred time...

Some twenty-3?ish years ago, Ted and I moved into the home we still are living in today.  It was quite a step up from  the little 3-bedroom stucco place in the south valley.  It was...ALL BRICK.  And in a much nicer neighborhood.  Even though the nearest grocery store was still more than five miles away, at least I didn't feel as if I needed to go armed. We met all the neighbors, but immediately hit it off with one man who was married and had two younger kids.  His wife was a little different, but she seemed nice as well.  We had cookouts together and they were the kind of folks you could call on for a cup of sugar when you needed it.  Soon, it became apparent that all was not well and his wife left for parts unknown.  Leaving him with the kids.  More often, we all began to hang out together.  The kids would come and go at our house as if it were their own and Bill was pretty understanding when our Chow Chow "tasted" his...

Sometimes it's easy to forget that the sun comes up.  Every. Single. Day. And that no matter how bleak things appear, there is a reason to hope.  Every. Single.  Day. While choosing minute-by-minute to hope, to encourage, to bolster, sometimes I feel like I'm faking it 'til I make it. Y'know what?  I'm starting to make it.