This just got real...

So today I packed my bag.  I am lingering in a twilight of horrible waiting.  My anxiety level is pretty high.  As of Friday, insurance denied approval for a bone marrow transplant.  Apparently I'm not sick enough.  At least not yet.  Without a transplant, my doctor tells me I  probably won't live to see my youngest grandchild start kindergarten.  With it, I could die anyway.  Or have multiple organ failure.  Or develop a terrible thing called GVD, which stands for Graft vs. Host disease.  I'm the Host.  The Graft is what is supposed to keep me alive. This is big scary stuff.  I won't quote statistics.  They aren't pleasant.  And they don't really matter, unless you are a statistic.  So I am concentrating on thinking that THIS will heal me.  THIS will be a long haul, but it will be worth it.  THIS is what I am supposed to do.

I am surrounded by a huge tribe of people who provide me with support.  I call them my Jesus-with-skin-on people.  I will write more about them later.  I'm too emotional to do justice to that now.  For tonight, I wait.

Tomorrow morning my doctor and the insurance company will confer in what is called a peer-to-peer review.  Her nurse tells me that she has never seen a P2P go against the patient, so there's that.  I was originally supposed to check in at noon for a procedure to place a tri-lumen catheter.  The nurse will let me know, hopefully, around 9 a.m. the results of the P2P.  She told me to stop eating at midnight, and to stop drinking clear liquids at 10 a.m., because she thinks I'll be approved for the transplant



So today I packed my bag.

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