Alert and Oriented (x4)

Wow, was I am ambitious and cocky little soul going into this.  I was going to keep my blog updated and let everyone know what was happening that way,   Haha,   That didn't go over well,  I can barely even operate a text message.  Here it is  day plus 13 for the transplant and my 2nd or  3rd false start  Yikes,  Let's try again, shall we? On Day - 1m, my trilumen port developed a leak that required a replacement,  Not pleasant and I had 2-3 diarrhea movements on the table that ended up causing me to sit my my own feces for extended period,   Thus caused a massive  bottom blister.  Sorry,  TMI.  Lots of pain but finally beginning to heal. Then I had developed serum sickness to ATG rabbit syndrome,   Very very sick with pain that felt like my bones were shredding off my  bones and trying to break me into pieces,  How do you like me so far?,,,, The ATG rabbit serum helps ...

So today I packed my bag.  I am lingering in a twilight of horrible waiting.  My anxiety level is pretty high.  As of Friday, insurance denied approval for a bone marrow transplant.  Apparently I'm not sick enough.  At least not yet.  Without a transplant, my doctor tells me I  probably won't live to see my youngest grandchild start kindergarten.  With it, I could die anyway.  Or have multiple organ failure.  Or develop a terrible thing called GVD, which stands for Graft vs. Host disease.  I'm the Host.  The Graft is what is supposed to keep me alive. This is big scary stuff.  I won't quote statistics.  They aren't pleasant.  And they don't really matter, unless you are a statistic.  So I am concentrating on thinking that THIS will heal me.  THIS will be a long haul, but it will be worth it.  THIS is what I am supposed to do. I am surrounded by a huge tribe of people who provide me with support....