Wednesday, August 4, 2010


August of 2010 is a mere four days old, and it's already been a doozy.

There's been heartbreak surrounding me.  Mine and the hearts of those I love.  I prayed for ruin.  I prayed for God to ruin me.  To ruin them.  Control freak that I am, I didn't want it to happen this way.  Ruin.  Already, through it all, I am seeing growth and strength.  New shoots of hope.  I choose to believe in You, God.  I believe that You have me (and them) in the palm of Your hand.  I believe that we need our brokenness and that You will see us through and heal us.  I believe that You will turn ashes into beauty. Help my unbelief.  If grace is an ocean, we are all sinking, like the song says.  And like Dory says, just keep swimming.

Monday evening, (note here:  day 2) I got a text that the restaurant next door to our church was on fire.  Hopped in the biggerredtruck and there I found (and I promise I am NOT exaggerating here--not that I'm prone to that or anything) 9..yes NINE fire/emergency vehicles, including 2 ladder trucks on OUR roof with firefighters carrying axes around up there.  Scary stuff.  After waiting around for at least an hour and a half, they allowed us to go inside to check for damage.  It was hazy/smoky inside and we had a little bit of water that had seeped under the walls, but everything seemed okay for the most part.  Then, when I went to the hallway by the back door I heard horrible hissing and smelled a LOT of gas.  The firefighters that were with us had little air quality meters with them that started going crazy and they asked us to exit the building.  Now.  We did.  Apparently, they tried to shut off the gas at the meter in back, and in the process broke the valve off.  No, the fire department is NOT run by BP.  Firefighters stayed overnight to make sure everything was ok, and by the next morning our power was restored.  So, for the last two days, I've been there moving stuff into or out of the closet.  And assembling new shelves.  A true exercise in patience.  Not too much damage for us.  But some ruin.  And the restaurant will have to be closed for at least a month.  The family that owns it is in tatters.  They are devastated.  Newly immigrated to this country, they were attempting to live out the American dream.  They were already struggling mightily.  More heartbreak.  More ruin.

Do you remember when Extreme Home Makeover first started?  They used the bones of the existing houses and just remodeled.  They quickly realized that they got better results when they tore down and completely rebuilt.  It might be dramatic, but the finished work can take your breath away.  You can build on top of a ruin.  Turn ashes into beauty. It's not always necessary to tear it all down.  Sometimes just minor changes are needed.  But not here.  Not in my heart.  I prayed for ruin.  Walls needed to come down.  And when it's all over, on the other side, I'll be standing.  Tall. New. Again.

1 comment:

Robin said...

beautifully written, pam. we are struggling with a lot of heartbreak of our own right now and i needed to hear these words. thank you for helping me see the situation through different eyes.