Unclench my fists

This fall has been a wild ride.  And I think we're still on the up-chugga-chugga-chugga of the rollercoaster ride.  We've had a couple of dips, but something tells me we're in for a big huge loop-de-loop.

So far this season:
We have another kid living with us.  S. is 17 and one of my middle son's best friends.  Along with the challenges of feeding 4 teenagers (and all the extra friends that seem to go along with that) we're adjusting to the different rhythm that another person adds to our family symphony. 

Ted has found out that he is being furloughed after 27 years with US Airways.  We got this news the same week that we agreed to allow S. to move in with us.  Not that I think that would've changed anything.  There is a position waiting for him in Denver.  He is making plans to move there and commute home on weekends.  We aren't sure what that will look like.  I am struggling with the situation, and am waiting on God.  I wish that I could say I am patiently waiting on God, but there isn't anything patient about me.  I'm heartsore and even tho' I know that it's a sin to be anxious, there is that.  Sometimes.  I am learning what a "sacrifice of praise" means in a whole new way.  I pray that I don't waste a moment of the lesson I'm supposed to be learning from this and pray that I can decrease mySELF and increase my GOD through this journey.

My oldest son and his girlfriend are NOT officially engaged.  In spite of the fact that they've reserved the hall, bought rings, picked out suits and dresses and confirmed a date.  He hasn't asked her yet and she still doesn't have a ring.

I turned fifty.  Ouch.  Every morning I look in the mirror and think, hmm...blepharoplasty or groceries?  Which would be better?  And I updated the blog banner.  Forty-something became false-advertising.

My dear, dear friends had their second baby on October 10.  I was honored and privileged to be asked to be there and watch him slip into this world, full of wonderment.  Outside of the births of my own children, it was one of the best days of my life.  I may be looking into becoming a professional doula.  I liked loved it that much.

Since the baby was born on October 10, I have put in twelve 12-14 hour days working.  Yes it's October 22.  Yes.

I realized that I have posted a sum total of 4 times this year.  As much as I love to write, my skills have been going towards writing copy for brochures and reports.  It may be time to close this shop down.

Finally, the dear friend who is a daddy once again shared this with me.  It speaks volumes about where I am right now:
“Dear God,
I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!
Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?
Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
Please help me to gradually open my hands
and to discover that I am not what I own,
but what you want to give me.
And what you want to give me is love,
unconditional, everlasting love.
Amen.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life

Comments

R said…
I think that bit there at the end is something applicable to pretty much everyone. How often we stand afraid to let go even though what the Lord's yoke is so much lighter. :) In this with ya!
October 22, 2011 at 11:34 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Random Dozen October 7

Image
Time for this week's edition of Random Dozen. I just argued with myself over the placement of that apostrophe. It's way too early for this. Anyway, play along and head on over to 2nd cup and link up. (wow--that rhymes) 1. On an average, how often do you splurge and buy something for yourself? Maybe a couple of times a year. But the thing is, it usually has to be on clearance, and then additional savings off. Last week I gained huge ground and bought a top that was just on sale, not clearance. I don’t have this problem when I buy things for others, just myself. 2. Are you more like Hall or Oates? Just kidding. Real question: What is the last creative project you began/finished? Feel free to post a pic of it. Creative? Like in crafts? Pshaw. I wrote a pretty good article for our church website. Does that count? 3. OK, Goldie Locks, do you consider your house too big, too little or juuuust right? I love my house. But it has 6 people and 3 bedrooms and 1600 sq feet. In the gran...
Read more

Random Dozen. The Happy Birthday Edition

Image
Lidna, over at 2nd Cup , just celebrated her birthday and asked lots of people to contribute prompts for the Random Dozen meme.  She chose one of mine!  I'm so flattered!  So...here's my take on the doz....won't you play along, too? 1. From "Men Are Dumb ....": If you had a theme song that played whenever you walked into a room full of people, what would it be? My second son says “BOOM” by P.O.D. should play whenever I walk in to a room. Strangely disturbing. He says it was his “first band” outside of what his parents liked and Veggie Tales. How that makes it MY theme song, I’m not quite sure….In case you can’t decipher them, part of the lyrics say, “BOOM! Here comes the BOOM! How you like me now I say…” Never try to complete a blog post with the help of two 17-year-olds. At least he didn’t say Elton John “The B**ch is Back.” Sigh... 2. From Pam of "Alert And Oriented x 4": Which of your shoes are your absolute favorite, and which are of ...
Read more

THAT kind of neighbor, Toilets, Accidental Brunette-dness and the RD

Image
We are THAT family. For the past six weeks or so, our neighbors have been very patient with us. Every time we pull into our driveway, the theme from Sanford and Son plays. We have had up to six toilets in our yard at one time. In addition to this, because we are under construction and building out the garage as a bedroom for the two younger boys, everything that was formerly in the garage has had to find another temporary home. Thus, we have an elliptical machine, skate boards and ice chests on my front porch and a six-piece Pearl drum kit in my shed. And at one point, the bench seats from my old Suburban were leaning against the front gate. Obviously, we never parked our cars in the garage. Yep. THAT family. I am ever so glad we don’t have a homeowner’s association who gets wigged out over that kind of thing. And that we have neighbors who either are just oblivious or kind… And now, for the big reveal, I believe the time has come to answer the elusive question…what is UP wit...
Read more