Saturday, October 22, 2011

Unclench my fists

This fall has been a wild ride.  And I think we're still on the up-chugga-chugga-chugga of the rollercoaster ride.  We've had a couple of dips, but something tells me we're in for a big huge loop-de-loop.

So far this season:
We have another kid living with us.  S. is 17 and one of my middle son's best friends.  Along with the challenges of feeding 4 teenagers (and all the extra friends that seem to go along with that) we're adjusting to the different rhythm that another person adds to our family symphony. 

Ted has found out that he is being furloughed after 27 years with US Airways.  We got this news the same week that we agreed to allow S. to move in with us.  Not that I think that would've changed anything.  There is a position waiting for him in Denver.  He is making plans to move there and commute home on weekends.  We aren't sure what that will look like.  I am struggling with the situation, and am waiting on God.  I wish that I could say I am patiently waiting on God, but there isn't anything patient about me.  I'm heartsore and even tho' I know that it's a sin to be anxious, there is that.  Sometimes.  I am learning what a "sacrifice of praise" means in a whole new way.  I pray that I don't waste a moment of the lesson I'm supposed to be learning from this and pray that I can decrease mySELF and increase my GOD through this journey.

My oldest son and his girlfriend are NOT officially engaged.  In spite of the fact that they've reserved the hall, bought rings, picked out suits and dresses and confirmed a date.  He hasn't asked her yet and she still doesn't have a ring.

I turned fifty.  Ouch.  Every morning I look in the mirror and think, hmm...blepharoplasty or groceries?  Which would be better?  And I updated the blog banner.  Forty-something became false-advertising.

My dear, dear friends had their second baby on October 10.  I was honored and privileged to be asked to be there and watch him slip into this world, full of wonderment.  Outside of the births of my own children, it was one of the best days of my life.  I may be looking into becoming a professional doula.  I liked loved it that much.

Since the baby was born on October 10, I have put in twelve 12-14 hour days working.  Yes it's October 22.  Yes.

I realized that I have posted a sum total of 4 times this year.  As much as I love to write, my skills have been going towards writing copy for brochures and reports.  It may be time to close this shop down.

Finally, the dear friend who is a daddy once again shared this with me.  It speaks volumes about where I am right now:
“Dear God,
I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!
Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?
Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
Please help me to gradually open my hands
and to discover that I am not what I own,
but what you want to give me.
And what you want to give me is love,
unconditional, everlasting love.
Amen.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life

1 comment:

R said...

I think that bit there at the end is something applicable to pretty much everyone. How often we stand afraid to let go even though what the Lord's yoke is so much lighter. :) In this with ya!