Kind of like Jacob, but not....



This has been a week that I’ve wrestled and struggled with. I can’t really say it’s been a bad week. And it’s definitely had its highlights. But I’m feeling vaguely disjointed and out of sorts. I’m not really sure why. I am absolutely sure that I am feeling undercurrents of God beginning a new work in me. This is the beginning of a very busy season for me at work: VBS, Youth Camp, and a BBQ/Baptism celebration all happening in June. And yet, this is not where I feel that God is furrowing the fields of my heart and preparing me for something. I can’t quite put my finger on it, and it’s something that I’m seeing dimly. Kind of like when I get out of the shower in the morning and the mirror is fogged up, yet I want to check to make sure I got all the mascara off before I use my clean pink towel on my face. I can get the general outline, but the details just aren’t definable.

My trusty bigredtruck was in the shop all week long. Again. Actually, since a week ago last Thursday. With more transmission problems that were “fixed” when we had it rebuilt, two visits to the shop ago. We finally got it back on Friday. Tyler is thrilled that he won’t have to be sharing rides or be driven to and fro. When we got it back, I stuck my foot in my mouth and embarrassed myself. Again.

I got a prickly email from someone this week. I was able, through Christ who lives within me, to hold off on responding until I could really pray about what I should say. And I think that I did respond in such a way that I was able to point towards Christ and not denigrate the situation any further. But it’s not all resolved. I’m doing a lot of self-examination here. I don’t think this is a control issue on my part, but I’m feeling threatened and self-protective, when I should be able to rest in the assurance that this is all being handled by the Counselor. So, I am not trying to control the particular circumstance, but I am not trusting that the whole of the situation will be controlled by Him. So, I guess in the end, it really is a control issue.

And then yesterday at a closing, I received an absolutely lovely and valuable gift from the client. I tried to refuse it, but was told that refusing would be tantamount to an insult, so who am I to turn this down? Maybe this was a love-note from God, who knew I was feeling a little beat up and ragged around the edges.

Now, as I prepare to head off to youth group, I am praying that I will be shiny, and that eventually someone will say that somehow they saw the light of Christ as it shone through me.

This is a total nothingness, random-filled and boring post, but somehow I feel better now. Obviously I am indulging something here, there's some payoff. But I can't figure out what.
Hmm….

"We evaluate others with a godlike justice, but we want them to evaluate us with a godlike compassion."
-- Sydney J. Harris

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Random Dozen October 7

Image
Time for this week's edition of Random Dozen. I just argued with myself over the placement of that apostrophe. It's way too early for this. Anyway, play along and head on over to 2nd cup and link up. (wow--that rhymes) 1. On an average, how often do you splurge and buy something for yourself? Maybe a couple of times a year. But the thing is, it usually has to be on clearance, and then additional savings off. Last week I gained huge ground and bought a top that was just on sale, not clearance. I don’t have this problem when I buy things for others, just myself. 2. Are you more like Hall or Oates? Just kidding. Real question: What is the last creative project you began/finished? Feel free to post a pic of it. Creative? Like in crafts? Pshaw. I wrote a pretty good article for our church website. Does that count? 3. OK, Goldie Locks, do you consider your house too big, too little or juuuust right? I love my house. But it has 6 people and 3 bedrooms and 1600 sq feet. In the gran
Read more

THAT kind of neighbor, Toilets, Accidental Brunette-dness and the RD

Image
We are THAT family. For the past six weeks or so, our neighbors have been very patient with us. Every time we pull into our driveway, the theme from Sanford and Son plays. We have had up to six toilets in our yard at one time. In addition to this, because we are under construction and building out the garage as a bedroom for the two younger boys, everything that was formerly in the garage has had to find another temporary home. Thus, we have an elliptical machine, skate boards and ice chests on my front porch and a six-piece Pearl drum kit in my shed. And at one point, the bench seats from my old Suburban were leaning against the front gate. Obviously, we never parked our cars in the garage. Yep. THAT family. I am ever so glad we don’t have a homeowner’s association who gets wigged out over that kind of thing. And that we have neighbors who either are just oblivious or kind… And now, for the big reveal, I believe the time has come to answer the elusive question…what is UP wit
Read more

S-kating along plus another Random Dozen

Image
Thinks I thunk about LOST tonight: 1. Claire: REALLY? You are 8 months pregnant and going to willingly...VOLUNTARILY get in a cab with a person that was holding a gun on you about 10 minutes ago. REALLY? 2. I've seen the guy who cut off Kate's handcuffs before. Was he one of the original others? Or is he just a character actor from another series? I think they don't do that kind of thing on this show and he's ba-ack...but from where? 3. Ethan looks just as creepy. He is one skeevy guy. 4. Sawyer cries pretty. Real pretty. 5. Do you really think the cops would've left the hospital room without checking around for Kate. And I didn't catch Kate's alias (Joan something?). That name is sure to have some kind of hidden meaning. 6. Miles is kind of growing on me. Like a fungus. 7. So if Sayid and Claire have been 'claimed' by the darkside, does that mean that Rousseau was claimed by them earlier? Did Claire get the waterboard treatment as
Read more