Alert and Oriented (x4)

Wow, was I am ambitious and cocky little soul going into this.  I was going to keep my blog updated and let everyone know what was happening that way,   Haha,   That didn't go over well,  I can barely even operate a text message.  Here it is  day plus 13 for the transplant and my 2nd or  3rd false start  Yikes,  Let's try again, shall we? On Day - 1m, my trilumen port developed a leak that required a replacement,  Not pleasant and I had 2-3 diarrhea movements on the table that ended up causing me to sit my my own feces for extended period,   Thus caused a massive  bottom blister.  Sorry,  TMI.  Lots of pain but finally beginning to heal. Then I had developed serum sickness to ATG rabbit syndrome,   Very very sick with pain that felt like my bones were shredding off my  bones and trying to break me into pieces,  How do you like me so far?,,,, The ATG rabbit serum helps ...

So today I packed my bag.  I am lingering in a twilight of horrible waiting.  My anxiety level is pretty high.  As of Friday, insurance denied approval for a bone marrow transplant.  Apparently I'm not sick enough.  At least not yet.  Without a transplant, my doctor tells me I  probably won't live to see my youngest grandchild start kindergarten.  With it, I could die anyway.  Or have multiple organ failure.  Or develop a terrible thing called GVD, which stands for Graft vs. Host disease.  I'm the Host.  The Graft is what is supposed to keep me alive. This is big scary stuff.  I won't quote statistics.  They aren't pleasant.  And they don't really matter, unless you are a statistic.  So I am concentrating on thinking that THIS will heal me.  THIS will be a long haul, but it will be worth it.  THIS is what I am supposed to do. I am surrounded by a huge tribe of people who provide me with support....

This fall has been a wild ride.  And I think we're still on the up-chugga-chugga-chugga of the rollercoaster ride.  We've had a couple of dips, but something tells me we're in for a big huge loop-de-loop. So far this season: We have another kid living with us.  S. is 17 and one of my middle son's best friends.  Along with the challenges of feeding 4 teenagers (and all the extra friends that seem to go along with that) we're adjusting to the different rhythm that another person adds to our family symphony.  Ted has found out that he is being furloughed after 27 years with US Airways.  We got this news the same week that we agreed to allow S. to move in with us.  Not that I think that would've changed anything.  There is a position waiting for him in Denver.  He is making plans to move there and commute home on weekends.  We aren't sure what that will look like.  I am struggling with the situation, and am waiting on God.  ...

The other day I was watching someone who I consider to be much smarter than me struggle...helplessly...with a computer issue.  It was really a fairly simple one.  This person was using Excel to make a graph.  Or trying to, anyway.  I am self-taught at Excel.  And pretty darn good at it if I say so myself.  And was feeling superior. And then it occurred to me.  I was comparing this "smarter" person's skill set with my own.  Excel? Pshaw!  I got it down.  Linux?  HUH?  Never in a million years.  And I'm currently (trying to) learn Photoshop.  It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks.  But give this Excel-challenged person an engine or a carbuerator to dissasemble and repair...he's your guy. A friend posted a quote from Albert Einstein on their Facebook profile. It said something like everyone is a genius.  But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will fail dismally.  And if tha...

Father in heaven, you are the absolute Sovereign over the shaking of the earth, the rising of the sea, and the raging of the waves. We tremble at your power and bow before your unsearchable judgments and inscrutable ways. We cover our faces and kiss your omnipotent hand. We fall helpless to the floor in prayer and feel how fragile the very ground is beneath our knees. O God, we humble ourselves under your holy majesty and repent. In a moment—in the twinkling of an eye—we too could be swept away. We are not more deserving of firm ground than our fellowmen in Japan. We too are flesh. We have bodies and homes and cars and family and precious places. We know that if we were treated according to our sins, who could stand? All of it would be gone in a moment. So in this dark hour we turn against our sins, not against you. And we cry for mercy for Japan. Mercy, Father. Not for what they or we deserve. But mercy. Have you not encouraged us in this? Have we not heard a hundred time...

Some twenty-3?ish years ago, Ted and I moved into the home we still are living in today.  It was quite a step up from  the little 3-bedroom stucco place in the south valley.  It was...ALL BRICK.  And in a much nicer neighborhood.  Even though the nearest grocery store was still more than five miles away, at least I didn't feel as if I needed to go armed. We met all the neighbors, but immediately hit it off with one man who was married and had two younger kids.  His wife was a little different, but she seemed nice as well.  We had cookouts together and they were the kind of folks you could call on for a cup of sugar when you needed it.  Soon, it became apparent that all was not well and his wife left for parts unknown.  Leaving him with the kids.  More often, we all began to hang out together.  The kids would come and go at our house as if it were their own and Bill was pretty understanding when our Chow Chow "tasted" his...

Sometimes it's easy to forget that the sun comes up.  Every. Single. Day. And that no matter how bleak things appear, there is a reason to hope.  Every. Single.  Day. While choosing minute-by-minute to hope, to encourage, to bolster, sometimes I feel like I'm faking it 'til I make it. Y'know what?  I'm starting to make it. 

I asked a good friend today if he felt like our focus was wavering. He responded that we seem to be so busy doing good that we have lost sight, depth and grasp of our First Love. Take a moment now. Breathe in. Remember the God of the Universe came down in the form of a little baby some two thousand years ago. For you. For me. For all of us lost and wandering sinners. And He’s coming back again. Soon. Merry Christmas!

I have a winter in my soul right now. But it's not the kind of winter that is bleak and desolate.  It's the kind where, although I feel cold and hear only silence, there's a hint of expectation.  A time of looking forward to what may happen next.  A time of waiting.  And watching.  It may not all be good.  It's never ALL good, but inside my head I murmur over and over, "GOD is sovereign.  God IS sovereign.  God is SOVEREIGN."  And I am desperate to hear from Him.

...the end of an era?  Lidna over at 2nd Cup is taard! Coming up with a dozen thought provoking prompts when you are a ministry assistant, wife, mom to three (one of whom just recently announced her engagement… congratulations Katie !...) is a lot to ask of one person. She's tapering off.  So the dozen is now just a couple. Answer these on your own blog and then linky up over at 2nd Cup …. 1. What scares you the most A) Physically Swimming in deep water that doesn’t have concrete surrounding it and chlorine in it. But perversely, I love playing in the ocean and on the beach. I have come to terms with it and can even jump off cliffs into lakes now, but it always makes me feel all squeemy inside. But at least I don’t have to resort to Jack Daniels when I do it... B) Emotionally Outliving one of my children. I watched my aunt go through it twice, and that scares the pants off me. I don’t even like to think about it. Why does it scare you, and how do you cope...

On Friday, the day before I was forced to remember that it was celebrated my 49th birthday, our oldest son left our home to begin to make one of his own. It’s been a bittersweet time. I love that he is happy and well and still only about eight miles away. But I hate that he’s not right across the hall and always ready to share a breakfast burrito or a white pizza or a game of Talisman (latest new addiction—yes, I am a total nerd/geek and yes, I know the game has been out for almost 30 years.  It's new to me, ok?) at the drop of a hat. My little boy will be 20 years old in just a couple of months. He’s traveled and seen more of the country than I have. He’s responsible, can back up a big truck and park it like nobody’s business, and is a spiritual giant in my eyes. I saw him at church Sunday (didn’t see him all day Saturday. On my birthday. I know, RIGHT?) and got all welly and hugged his neck until I think I embarrassed him. I am officially one of those mothers now. Tyler m...

This has been kind of a tough season. There are days when I feel like I'm going down for the count, but somehow, God sends somebody or something along to lift my head and my heart.  Lucy broke her knee. She was in a cast (actually about 4 casts) from the beginning of August until the end of September. Not just in a cast, but the poor little thing was confined to her crate for at least 6 of those 9 weeks.  They wanted to do surgery on her. The projected cost was $2000. I’m sorry, but we now have a little dog that hops around on three legs most of the time. It’s cute in a pitiful sort of way. I can live with a three-legged dog. But $2000. Just. Not. Happening. As it is, we’re into it for about $600. $600 that we can ill afford right now. She’s happy and doesn’t know that she’s differently-abled. It hasn’t slowed her down one little millisecond, and she isn’t in pain. If we hadn’t already re-named her about five times, I’d call her Tripod. Then, right before the ...

Lidna, over at 2nd Cup , just celebrated her birthday and asked lots of people to contribute prompts for the Random Dozen meme.  She chose one of mine!  I'm so flattered!  So...here's my take on the doz....won't you play along, too? 1. From "Men Are Dumb ....": If you had a theme song that played whenever you walked into a room full of people, what would it be? My second son says “BOOM” by P.O.D. should play whenever I walk in to a room. Strangely disturbing. He says it was his “first band” outside of what his parents liked and Veggie Tales. How that makes it MY theme song, I’m not quite sure….In case you can’t decipher them, part of the lyrics say, “BOOM! Here comes the BOOM! How you like me now I say…” Never try to complete a blog post with the help of two 17-year-olds. At least he didn’t say Elton John “The B**ch is Back.” Sigh... 2. From Pam of "Alert And Oriented x 4": Which of your shoes are your absolute favorite, and which are of ...

If you happen to be reading this and you happen to be the type of person who talks with God on a regular, or even a not-so-regular basis, I’d appreciate if you could say a prayer or three for me. There’s pretty much a ton of stuff going on in my life right now and while I am feeling so loved and cared for, I am also overwhelmed.  Kind of like as hard as I pull, nothing is moving the way it's supposed to. Like the mule in the photo up there, I just need to set my feet upon the rock again.... Psalm 40:12 Thanks! Love ya! More than my luggage!

I say that because Lidna over at 2nd Cup has her Random Dozen meme up and thinks shes' at post one million or so, but I couldn't figure out how to write 1,000,000 in Roman numerals, SO.... nth Power it will be.  There is Power in the Dozen!  Post your own, link up over at Lid's and play along! 1. Do you do garage sales? If so, tell me about one great find. If not, tell me why not. I do sale now…and have, but not as frequently as I have in the past. I bought a really pretty brass chandelier at one for $4 about 20 years ago…that chandelier still hangs over my dining table. Ted says he’ll pay me NOT to have them anymore. They are a pain to host, I must agree. Because I work for a poor church, every time I pass one with a vacuum cleaner that works, I buy it. 2. Name the last thing you fixed. Probably a vacuum. (see # 1) 3. Name your A) Favorite item of makeup OR B) Favorite tool A) Mary Kay Highlighting pen. Aka Miracle Worker. 4. Which room in your home need...

We were gone a mere 36 hours...it should've been much longer.... Three of my bestest girlfriends and I just got back from Pagosa Springs. We have, among us 10 children, ranging in age from 19 months to 21 years. School is back in session. Fall is a little crisp snap in the air. We laughed, cried, soaked, relaxed ate...and can't wait to do it again next year! Cost of spa/hotel, split 4 ways: $60 Gas for the Prius $20 Nutella and Ritz $7 Memories for a lifetime? PRICELESS! Cast of Characters: Laura;  the baby of the group.  I've been married longer than she's been alive.  She just finished her advanced degree as an architect and is well on her way to becoming licensed.  Passionate about her baby, her man (who happen to be two of my favorite people), and Jesus.  Literal and artistic.  Dreamy and sassy. Robin:  Take charge.  Owner of her own small business.  Loves her Jesus.  Mom to three.  Unintimidatable.  (I...

Lidna over at 2nd Cup has her Labor Day edition of the Random Dozen posted. Play along and link up, won’t you? 1 Describe the best sandwich in the world, according to you. I make an absolutely amazing grilled cheese . Don’t let the mundane name fool you. It will change your life. You’re welcome. 2. Which inspires you more: a good conversation, a song, a book or movie? Hard question! I think possibly conversation will inspire me to pray, and song will inspire me to worship, a book to write a blog and a movie (depending on the movie) to sleep…I am terrible. Ted says I am like the little baby dolls...once my head tips past a certain angle, my eyes slam shut. I have yet to see The Matrix in one sitting…I always fall asleep about the time the Oracle lights up her cigarette…. 3. What is your favorite board game? I LOVE games! Catchphrase, Apples to Apples, Phase 10...although none of them require “boards,” I think this is what Lidna meant. I also like cribbage, just bought Fa...

Usually, if I participate in the Random Dozen, I try to get it up EARLY.  That didn't happen this week.  Lidna over at 2nd Cup's meme is up and ready to linky. 1.What is your favorite Mexican dish? Chile rellenos. Green chile chicken enchiladas. Or Christmas (red + green chile) or….hey, I live in NM…I can’t choose. 2. When you were a kid, did you get started on your homework right away after school, or did you procrastinate? Right away, usually. 3. What is your favorite store for home furnishings? An antique store? Mor? 4. When you were young, did you like school lunches? Yes…worked in the cafeteria and got free lunch. Pizza Fridays….mmmmmmmmm 5. Is religion a crutch? Organized religion can be. I have a relationship with God. It’s not a crutch. It is my entire life and reason for being.  I think that organized religion can become a rote practice in which one doesn't have to think, but they just kind of put themselves on autopilot and go thr...

This is a sad post. My heart is heavy. I just read about two toddlers whose bodies were recovered from their mother’s car that was submerged in a river.   Poor babies….they never had a chance. The circumstances surrounding the deaths are suspicious. Although the article meagerly attempts to be unbiased, it’s obvious that the mom has been all but convicted, at least in the reporter’s mind. At the end of the article, we are reminded of Susan Smith, who in 1994 was convicted in the deaths of her own two children in a similarly chilling incident, also in South Carolina. I’m not saying that in this latest incident the mother is guilty of anything. But I’m so sad. We live in the information age. Horrid and sickening news is pounded at us until we risk becoming calloused. I can’t help but wonder…IF this mom did this intentionally, would she have thought up that little idea all by herself, or did she glean the idea from the Nancy Grace-est type reporting that sen...

Lidna over at 2nd Cup ( http://2nd-cup-of-coffee.blogspot.com/  )has come off of hiatus for the Random Dozen, a fun meme where you answer 12 seemingly random questions.  Join in, won't you?  - Sorry, unable to add links in the text, so they are in parenthesis.... 1. When was the last time you laughed until you cried? At my nieces wedding watching my extended family attempt to dance. We gots us some MOVES! 2. If you found $10 today, what would you do with it? Spend it on school fees at registration this week, probably.  Or a new bridge for my new electric violin... 3. Do you volunteer anywhere? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…..( I work at a church and have four kids…what do you think?) 4. What is your favorite summertime veggie or fruit, and how do you eat it? Strawberries. No, raspberries. No, wait..blueberries…OK…BERRIES! Yes! In a boat, with a goat, in a house, with a mouse, here there, everywhere…well, you get the idea. 5. Is your ...